Even though the death of my father has made me a little better off financially, I'd gladly go back to working 2 jobs, scraping a living and living paycheck to paycheck to have him back again.
It's been 4 years since I was on stage. And now, being cast in Menopause the Musical, a play I've wanted to be in since first hearing about it 3 years ago...it just doesn't seem like work to me. The hours of rehearsals, the late nights, the fact that aside from work and rehearsing this show, I will practically have no life for the next 8 to 9 weeks - doesn't matter at all. This show is so much fun, so dynamic, so hilarious, and so ME at this stage of my life, I can't wait for performances to begin, and I intend to give 150% of myself in this show.
I love my dog Powder so much it sometimes makes me cry.
I'd give anything to be as young as I feel inside.
I'm an independent woman who cherishes her alone time, but sometimes during the long nights when I'm lying in my bed alone, I wish for someone special to be there with me to wrap his arms around me and spoon me. I miss that.
It saddens me that some of my cherished friends are no longer very much a part of my life. I guess that's life though. It's been said that people come into our lives for a season and a reason. I just wish the seasons didn't change so much or so often.
My favorite author is Stephen King, but even I, a devoted fan, admit that lately the stuff he writes just doesn't grab me like his earlier works did.
I love the show M*A*S*H. And know for a fact that show would never get on the air today.
For a time I had an extreme crush on and was sort of obsessed with Jake Gyllenhaal. I still admire his talent, will see his movies, and still think he's one of the most gorgeous men to ever walk the planet. But I've moved on from my school-girl crush, and that's a good and healthy thing. However, through my obsession I found a group of friends I will always cherish.
I have finally reached the point where I am fully motivated to do something about my physical condition. My goal is not to be a size 2, but to be as fit and healthy as I can be at 53. I want to get my body back to the place where it works as nature intended. I will not become a statistic....an over-50-year-old with high blood pressure, diabetes and high cholesterol, a prime candidate for a heart attack or stroke. I want to lose 35 pounds, shape my body and burn fat. And kick my soda and sugar addictions. If I can quit smoking cold turkey 25 years ago, I can certainly do this. And if I look great in shorts and a tank top when I've reach my goal, so much the better.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Farewell to a Unique Talent ~ Heath Ledger
The world lost an incredibly talented and gifted young actor yesterday. Heath Ledger was found dead in his New York apartment. The cause of his death appears to be accidental, which makes this doubly tragic.
I have a group of friends, people I've met over the Internet….through a forum/blog dedicated to Jake Gyllenhaal - Jake Watch. Before anyone dismisses the concept of "cyber friends" and the subject of our admiration (obsession?), let me state I cherish and respect each and every one of these people, and feel as close to them as if I had face-to-face contact with them on a regular basis. We laugh together, cry together, share funny stories and poetry, drool over and gossip about handsome actors, worry about each other, support each other, discuss controversial subjects, wish each other Happy Birthday, and just like regular friends, sometimes we disagree and even get on each other's nerves. One or two I've met face-to-face, but the majority of us have never seen each other aside from our pictures. We are scattered all over the world…the U.K., Sweden, Australia, Italy, Canada, Poland, Iceland, and several states here in the U.S. But we are as close as friends can be, and now, we are devastated and doing our best to comfort each other.
The website I speak of was born out of the release of Brokeback Mountain, the hauntingly beautiful, poetic love story between a ranch hand (Heath Ledger) and a rodeo cowboy (Jake Gyllenhaal). Those who have seen and appreciate this film know what I'm talking about when I say to call it "the gay cowboy movie" (always with slight disdain in one's tone) is to at most insult the story and the film and at least to short-sell it. The movie is emotionally devastating for the majority of people who view it, and even after almost 2 years and multiple viewings it still has the power to deliver an emotional wallop. The film, Heath and Jake were all deservedly nominated for Oscars, and while I'm not in the least taking anything away from Jake's performance, it was Heath who garnered the most attention from critics.
In reviews of the film, Heath was almost unanimously praised for his performance as Ennis del Mar, the young ranch hand who finds the love of his life in Jack Twist (Jake), but denies his feelings, rationalizing them and dismissing them as a "one-shot thing", going on to marry a woman and father two daughters, attempting to live what he considered a "normal life". The overall message of the story was that living a lie, denying one's true self and throwing away the happiness that one's heart knows to be genuine, is destructive in many ways, and in his portrayal, Heath perfectly captured the self-loathing and internal conflict of a man denying who he is and truly loves. Heath literally became Ennis, disappearing inside the character, right down to his gait, his accent, speech and mannerisms. It was an incredibly realistic portrayal and one of the reasons the film is so devastating.
Heath refused to capitalize on his blond, surfer-type, pretty boy looks and often took roles that were off-beat, eccentric and not what you would expect of a young actor only in his 20's. Even in his more light-hearted roles he seemed to bring a depth to the character that any other actor would not have bothered with. He seemed to me to be a unique young man in many ways…very sensitive, intelligent, reclusive and only willing to go just so far to play "the Hollywood game". He was an actor, not a movie star, and that is how he viewed his career.
I feel as if I have lost a very close friend. My heart goes out to his family, and particularly his little 2-year old daughter Matilda. It breaks my heart she will grow up without her father, who was unquestionably devoted to her.
Rest in peace, Heath. We lost you far too soon.
A Soulful Talent: Cherishing Heath Ledger
I have a group of friends, people I've met over the Internet….through a forum/blog dedicated to Jake Gyllenhaal - Jake Watch. Before anyone dismisses the concept of "cyber friends" and the subject of our admiration (obsession?), let me state I cherish and respect each and every one of these people, and feel as close to them as if I had face-to-face contact with them on a regular basis. We laugh together, cry together, share funny stories and poetry, drool over and gossip about handsome actors, worry about each other, support each other, discuss controversial subjects, wish each other Happy Birthday, and just like regular friends, sometimes we disagree and even get on each other's nerves. One or two I've met face-to-face, but the majority of us have never seen each other aside from our pictures. We are scattered all over the world…the U.K., Sweden, Australia, Italy, Canada, Poland, Iceland, and several states here in the U.S. But we are as close as friends can be, and now, we are devastated and doing our best to comfort each other.
The website I speak of was born out of the release of Brokeback Mountain, the hauntingly beautiful, poetic love story between a ranch hand (Heath Ledger) and a rodeo cowboy (Jake Gyllenhaal). Those who have seen and appreciate this film know what I'm talking about when I say to call it "the gay cowboy movie" (always with slight disdain in one's tone) is to at most insult the story and the film and at least to short-sell it. The movie is emotionally devastating for the majority of people who view it, and even after almost 2 years and multiple viewings it still has the power to deliver an emotional wallop. The film, Heath and Jake were all deservedly nominated for Oscars, and while I'm not in the least taking anything away from Jake's performance, it was Heath who garnered the most attention from critics.
In reviews of the film, Heath was almost unanimously praised for his performance as Ennis del Mar, the young ranch hand who finds the love of his life in Jack Twist (Jake), but denies his feelings, rationalizing them and dismissing them as a "one-shot thing", going on to marry a woman and father two daughters, attempting to live what he considered a "normal life". The overall message of the story was that living a lie, denying one's true self and throwing away the happiness that one's heart knows to be genuine, is destructive in many ways, and in his portrayal, Heath perfectly captured the self-loathing and internal conflict of a man denying who he is and truly loves. Heath literally became Ennis, disappearing inside the character, right down to his gait, his accent, speech and mannerisms. It was an incredibly realistic portrayal and one of the reasons the film is so devastating.
Heath refused to capitalize on his blond, surfer-type, pretty boy looks and often took roles that were off-beat, eccentric and not what you would expect of a young actor only in his 20's. Even in his more light-hearted roles he seemed to bring a depth to the character that any other actor would not have bothered with. He seemed to me to be a unique young man in many ways…very sensitive, intelligent, reclusive and only willing to go just so far to play "the Hollywood game". He was an actor, not a movie star, and that is how he viewed his career.
I feel as if I have lost a very close friend. My heart goes out to his family, and particularly his little 2-year old daughter Matilda. It breaks my heart she will grow up without her father, who was unquestionably devoted to her.
Rest in peace, Heath. We lost you far too soon.
A Soulful Talent: Cherishing Heath Ledger
Friday, January 11, 2008
January 11
This morning I awoke, got out of bed and proceeded to start my morning routine. Then it hit me: Today would have been my father's 82nd birthday.
Surprisingly, this didn't make me depressed, only sort of wistfully nostalgic. Normally I would have called him this morning and said over the phone, "Happy Birth-day ta yewwwwwwww!!!!" (old family joke). It makes me sad that I'll never say that to him again, or hear him say it to me, but I can carry on the tradition and say it to my other family members, who will immediately understand the reason I say it that way.
A few minutes ago, my sister called to tell me that my Aunt Kathleen, who at 88 was the oldest and last survivor of the 4 Edwards siblings, died at 12:00 today at the Masonic-Eastern Star Home in Greensboro. On Daddy's birthday. What could be more appropriate?
And so now they're all up there in Heaven, talking about old times, happy, laughing and feeling good. No arthritis, no Alzheimers, no heart ailments....just the spirited, lively Edwards siblings - Kathleen, Archie, C.B. and Mary Louise, reunited once again. When I picture that in my mind, it makes me smile.
I love and miss you, Daddy, and although I still have moments of profound grief, losing you is getting a little less painful every day. Gradually, I'm learning to go on without you, and it's okay.
Happy Birthday.
Surprisingly, this didn't make me depressed, only sort of wistfully nostalgic. Normally I would have called him this morning and said over the phone, "Happy Birth-day ta yewwwwwwww!!!!" (old family joke). It makes me sad that I'll never say that to him again, or hear him say it to me, but I can carry on the tradition and say it to my other family members, who will immediately understand the reason I say it that way.
A few minutes ago, my sister called to tell me that my Aunt Kathleen, who at 88 was the oldest and last survivor of the 4 Edwards siblings, died at 12:00 today at the Masonic-Eastern Star Home in Greensboro. On Daddy's birthday. What could be more appropriate?
And so now they're all up there in Heaven, talking about old times, happy, laughing and feeling good. No arthritis, no Alzheimers, no heart ailments....just the spirited, lively Edwards siblings - Kathleen, Archie, C.B. and Mary Louise, reunited once again. When I picture that in my mind, it makes me smile.
I love and miss you, Daddy, and although I still have moments of profound grief, losing you is getting a little less painful every day. Gradually, I'm learning to go on without you, and it's okay.
Happy Birthday.
Sunday, January 6, 2008
A Wish Fulfilled
My nephew Benjamin is a unique kid. He's very laconic, laid back and a little reserved, unusual for a 10-year old boy. He speaks quietly, is a little shy, and has to study hard for his grades. But he has an infectious, joyous laugh and is very smart – not much gets by him. He is a wonderful kid, with a typical boy's love for typical boy things – skateboards, tractors, computer games. And now, he loves a little dog, who he named Sophie.
Kids and dogs just naturally go together, and Benjamin is no exception. He discovered a love for animals after bonding with his sister's dog Daisy and my dog Powder 3 years ago. He also learned that with pets comes responsibility – they need to be walked, fed, watered and taken out to "do their business". It is a responsibility he takes very seriously and does well.
He has wanted a dog of his own for a few years now, but for several reasons the time just wasn't right for his mom and dad to grant his fondest wish. This year was different. My sister had been looking for just the right dog, and finally found her just before Christmas, with the help of my niece Jessica and her friend Melissa.
In order for the puppy to be a surprise for Benjamin, my mom and I agreed to keep her at our house from Friday, December 21st until Christmas morning. From the moment she appeared on our doorstep, held in my sister's arms, Mom and I fell completely in love. At the time she didn't have a name yet (we felt naming her should be Benjamin's privilege), and we called her "little girl". She's a 12-week old, tiny, heartbreakingly adorable Dachsund-mix, and from the get-go made herself at home, established a solid relationship with her cousin Powder, and completely made herself the center of attention. She is playful, inquisitive and not afraid of anything. Mom and I became so attached to this little girl and we knew that letting her go would be hard, but we couldn't wait for Benjamin to finally get his wish.
So the big moment came. On Christmas morning Mom and I drove over to my sister's house with the puppy in Mom's lap. My niece Jessica came out to the car, took the puppy into her arms and walked into the house. Benjamin looked up and said matter-of-factly, "Oh it's a puppy." Just like that. Jessica said, somewhat indignantly (I think she was a little disappointed with Benjamin's less-than-ecstatic reaction), "She's YOUR puppy!" And Benjamin took the little dog in his arms, sat down on the sofa, and within 5 minutes had named her: Sophie. He told his mother later that the reason for his lack of excitement when she came in was because he didn't realize or believe that Sophie could actually be his.
Sophie and Benjamin are inseparable. It is a match made in heaven. He pretty much ignores his computer games, his RipStik, his DVD's, and anything else he got from Santa. Sophie sleeps in her own bed, which is on Benjamin's bed. She is truly a wish come true for a very special, deserving young boy.
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